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It’s The Little Things

May 13, 2020 No Comments

Guest Blog by Lindsay Westle

Everyone’s life was turned upside down by COVID-19.

Not just mine, my families, my cities or country but the entire world.

We took the time to be scared, worried, sad, anxious; then we decided that wouldn’t work. Not for me and not for my kids. Doing crafts, games, puzzles and movies can only make a person so happy. With the news being informative but not positive we needed to create our own positivity.

It’s the little things that make big things that make a person feel good.

It is the wave or a smile to a stranger or taking a minute from your day to make someone’s week. That was the day I made a deal with the kids, every week we will do something small that means something big to someone else.

They had a few ideas of their own and a few with a little guidance. My daughter gave a little girl who was sad to be missing the run wild marathon her shirt and medal from last year. That little girl smiled and made my daughter feel like she had done something good.

So, it continued…

We drew on the senior’s driveway beside us on chalk walk day and took them Easter presents. We drove to Grande Prairie and back in the same day with no contact just to wave to grandparents and pick up our bicycles. We brought back an extra bike for a cousin who had lost her job prior to covid-19 and just wanted something to do that was free and fun.

We sponsored a single momma, started saying prayers for other people before ourselves, gave unneeded toys to strangers and chat to everyone who walks by on our street. My son dresses up in costumes daily, it creates smiles all over the block and even on my Instagram page. Just by living his best life he creates this happiness for other people.

We FaceTime my grandma in a senior’s home and sent her hand sanitizer and paintings just so she got mail on Fridays. Last week we did a drive-by birthday for a 9-year-old boy and that was as much fun for us as it was for him.

We have realized maybe the little things we are doing now should have been things we did all along.

We don’t need to always be doing something, life is busy. Sometimes we just need to take a step back and think what can I do for someone else today. Those are the real things that make you happy. Helping others can be small and big but some people don’t realize how much that will change your mood. The little things you do may mean the world to someone else so always do them. Just because you think someone doesn’t notice does not mean it goes unnoticed.

We do things to make ourselves feel good about being a contributing individual in our community and sometimes you get a thank you from a kid or an older person and that means as much to us as whatever we had done for them.

In a world where the future is unpredictable and scary, we can all do a small part to make it a little less scary and people can always count on each other for at the very least a smile. We don’t need to hug someone to make them smile but we do need to be kind.

xoxo

Lindsay

Lindsay Westle lives in St. Albert with her husband and three beautiful children. Lindsay can always be found brightening someone’s day!

Reading time: 3 min

Written by: Layna

MY MUSINGS

Mo’ Media, Mo’ Problems

May 6, 2020 No Comments

A teen with no cell phone?!? No social media? WHAT?

Alexa is 13 years, 3 months old. She does not have a cell phone or any social media accounts. If you are having a hard time fathoming this, what’s even more mind blowing is that it was her choice, not ours.

In our home, the rule has always been no cell phone before you are 13. It was the rule for Austin, as well as Chris, who we were guardians for. Jeff and I have always just believed that it was an added payment and added pressure that kids didn’t need before then.

When Austin and Chris were young, cell phones came with talk and text plans, when I got my first cell phone at 16 it was just for talking because the idea of texting on it was ludicrous! But now, even a basic phone, or even an iPod is a tiny computer in your hand. Talking on the phone to your friends is now the ludicrous option, and even texting is less common, it is through social media that most kids are connecting.

This presents a new set of variables.

The impact of time spent on social media is still relatively unknown, but studies that are surfacing about it show high correlations to anxiety and depression, especially for adolescents; the more time teens spend on social media, the higher the likelihood of mental health impacts.

No parent wants their child to suffer from anxiety and depression from social media, but you also don’t want your child to experience anxiety and depression that can result from being ‘other’. True belonging occurs when you have shared experiences with your peers. The affects of not having a sense of belonging are also devastating. Belonging lowers mental health issues, decreases the likelihood of engaging in unhealthy behaviours, and increases overall health.

Talk about a parenting line mine.

Just to make this even more challenging, along came COVID-19 and school closures, and parenting working from home. As parents work to balance everything and cope with reality – kids increasingly turn to Instagram, Tik Tok, SnapChat and other social media platforms to entertain themselves.

Now What?

Jeff and I don’t believe good decisions come from fear based choices. We have adopted an approach to social media and our children that we have dubbed Co-So. Think a learners licence before a drivers licence, but for social media. When the kids were little there was co-sleeping, and now they they are older its co-social media training. Co-So.

Jeff and I decided we would let Alexa practice having social media on MY social account because it came without any of the pressure or consequences of having her own. She didn’t have to manage the ‘likes’ or comments. She didn’t have to worry about who she accepted as a friend, or follower etc. She was free to experiment, to learn, to find her own voice and style. Free to pick up my phone and look at stories, snoop through my feed, check in on her friends, ask questions, Co-So has become a helpful strategy for all of us.

My platform of choice is Instagram. I have become a bit of an Instagram ‘stories’ junkie. I shoot on average 12-15 mini videos every day, and have done so for 2 years straight. If you aren’t following along you are missing out 😉 . I love it. I have gathered a loyal following of viewers who I love entertaining with bits and pieces of our life. As such, my family all make regular appearances in my stories.

That was why it was such a natural decision to give Alexa access to my social media to use on my device. She has even got quite the Alexa fan club out there; people who love to watch her and support her, and encourage her.

I re-watch her stories over and over. I adore seeing her unique expression. I enjoy viewing the world through her lens. I love “seeing” her. It is different than how I see her every day in the day to day moments. I don’t know if it just the medium but I feel more awake to who she is.

Giving Alexa the space to learn about social media and to find her own voice through my platforms, with little to no direct consequences has been fun for all of us, and safe for her.

For her, for right now, this is enough. She was given the choice to have a phone and social media on her 13th birthday just the rest of our children. But she surprised us when she emphatically declined. And we respect that choice. Alexa is becoming more autonomous all the time and being there to support the choices she feels are right for her is not just our job as her parents, but it is also our privilege.

I would love to share that story with you, but it is hers. So I will ask her how she feels about sharing it with you. Perhaps she will let me write her story, maybe she will write it herself. Or maybe she will keep that one tucked inside her own heart.

xoxo Layna

Reading time: 4 min

Written by: Layna

MY MUSINGS

The Art of Loving Well – Haley Style!

February 10, 2019 1,543 Comments

Teaching our kids love begins with us. What it means to receive love well and to give love well, is learned first within the four walls of our home. Jeff and I decided when the children were little, that we wanted them to begin to think about Valentine’s Day as a way to express their love for one another, in a way that the other would receive well.

When Alexa was five and Nixon was three, we embarked on our first date where they were in charge of picking a gift for the other. The budget suggested Walmart was a good place to go. Jeff took Alexa and I took Nixon and together we all chose a gift for Austin. Nixon picked nail polish for Alexa. A ghastly green shade. He could not be swayed. Alexa picked a ball for Nixon. A hard red street hockey ball. These gifts were selected with minimal to no intervention from Jeff and I, and while neither gift was “perfect”, they were both bang on with what was meaningful to the other. I couldn’t believe how well they were able to recognize the other’s interests and express them with loving gifts, at such young ages.

Both of the children LOVED their gifts, and Nixon played with the hard ball even though he had no interest in street hockey and the ball wouldn’t bounce despite his best efforts. And Miss Alexa insisted on painting her finger nails green despite the fact that her wardrobe only consisted of pink due to her strong opinions about wearing anything else! A perfect example of how love can soften hearts.

Love can turn a less than perfect gift into a perfect gift. The heart of the giver is really the heart of the matter

Learning how to love people in a way that’s meaningful to them is a gift and a rare treasure. With more practice the easier it is to do. This comes so much easier to children, than it does for adults. The gifts they pick for one another get more and more “perfect” each year. This small tradition has become one of the children’s favorite things to do for one another. These are skills they learn that affect the world around them in positive ways. These are skills that are transferable into every relationship they have – even into the hard ones.

Today was our much anticipated annual shopping trip. I took Nixon and headed off in one direction, and Jeff took Alexa in another, and we met up to share a cinnamon bun together after. I loved how Nixon knew exactly where he wanted to go to pick out her gift. Alexa is an avid reader and while I tried to offer other suggestions because we do have a library card, he would not be moved. He asked me to read him the description of a few books and in a moment it was settled. And I actually believe he picked a book for her that she will love.

This little interlude with our children is something Jeff and I look forward to as well. Spending time one-on-one time is important to us and something we value. But we all know that life can run away on us and before you know it, it’s Christmas again and you haven’t done the things you had hoped. Establishing traditions is a great way to make sure we do the things we value. And in this case, the kids hold us accountable!

In and effort to keep the costs lower and the thoughtfulness higher, Jeff and I trade-off Valentine’s Day and our anniversary. This year, Valentine’s Day is mine – I plan a date for us and I buy Jeff a gift. He will then do the same for me on our anniversary. Next year we swap. It’s the intention and thoughtfulness we want to demonstrate for and teach our children – not the dollar amount of the gift.

Valentine’s Day is so much bigger than a Hallmark Holiday; it is an opportunity to seize. Watching the love Alexa and Nixon express love in this small and tangible way, is one of the greatest gifts of Valentine’s Day. We know we give them another kind of gift, when they see Jeff and I express our thoughtful, intentional love for one another.

I encourage you to start your own family traditions centered around loving each other well. And see the beautiful fruit this grows in their lives as individuals, and in your families as a whole.

Happy Love Day!

xoxo

Layna

Reading time: 3 min

Written by: Layna

MY MUSINGS

Starting at the End

January 18, 2019 1,414 Comments

Sometimes the simplest things turn out to be the biggest blessings. Our hot tub is one such thing. And to think I almost didn’t agree to its purchase! Jeff was relentless in his pursuit of owning a hot tub, and his dogged determination to fulfill this life long dream, has certainly paid off. In ways we would have never expected.

A few times a week you can find us there, toques in the winter, and shades in the summer, soaking up the warmth of the water and one another’s presence. It is the place where Jeff and I find our inspiration, have deep conversations, and put plans in place to help us realize our dreams. And like many meaningful things, we stumbled into this practice.

One night while relaxing in the hot tub Jeff and I were discussing the character traits we hoped our children would possess in their adult years. We hoped, like so many other parents, that our children would be kind and compassionate; confident in their inherent worth.

We hoped they would be tender hearted to those most vulnerable in their midst; people who would not just stand by, but would do something.

We wanted them to have dreams they were not afraid to chase.

We also prayed they would enjoy a marriage that was as fulfilling as ours. We hoped our children would be spouses who loved their partners deeply; noticed and did the little things.

People who were of strong character; doing what was right when no one was looking.

We had a profound revelation. These little people, who still needed their noses wiped and food cut up, would be adults for far more of their lives than they would be children in our home. In essence, we were raising adults not children. What we did in our few short years with them, would impact their whole lives and that of their own children.

This felt so big and weighty that it actually made us feel powerless. However, being frozen in fear was not going to help us accomplishing anything. So we asked ourselves, “What can we do today to just take a step in the right direction?”

This question gave us hope. It made the things that seemed so heavy and so far away, feel smaller, more manageable, and immediate.

What began as a question we asked ourselves about our children’s future, soon become the lens we examined our whole life through. Living life this way, has been deeply satisfying.

If we know where we are trying to go, it is easier to find a tangible step for today, in order to see a greater future reality. If we want our children to be compassionate and caring adults, we have to do more than just hope that’s how they turn out.

If we want to go on a yearly vacation, we have to save and not spend all our discretionary income.

If we want more free time on the weekends, we have to quit saying yes to every invitation that comes along.

If we want a strong marriage, we need to make hot tub time a priority.

Hot tub time is sacred; it is the place we stop and connect and plan our life. It is where we are continually asking each other and asking ourselves what is our end game? If we could pick the ending right now, what would success look like? What do we need to do today to make that a reality? Nothing is free from this type of scrutiny.

Being thoughtful about where we want to end up, compels us to examine our actions for today and makes the goal feel attainable. Rome wasn’t build in a day and either is a good marriage or compassionate children. Based on our experiences, we greatly increase our chances of success if we decide our end goal in advance and just do the next right thing to move us in that direction.

Starting at the end and working our way back to today is how we have turned hopes into realities. Intentionally; one day at a time, moment by moment. Our Secret Sauce.

xoxo

Layna